Burn the Book! (figuratively)
I got a call from a very stressed out friend of mine who has a seven week old. I recognised the tension in her voice and asked how everything was going. She replied that she was totally confused about what to do about getting her child into a routine - she read in one book that you have to follow a strict schedule or your child will become a serial killer. In another, you would considered a Bad Mom if you did not ensure your child slept, ate, and pooped on command - according to the time table that they have laid out... which WILL WORK for EVERY baby if YOU do YOUR part and really stick with it.... I am surprised they have not incorporated a five minute laughing session that your robot baby will have at 3:15... wait- that might be in the middle of a req
uired nap... 4:15?
So I shared with this very intelligent, very well educated, successful woman a little nugget that took me about 4 months to figure out... the books? BURN THEM! And stop going on chat sites on the internet. There are some good resources with factual medical information out there (see some suggestions below) but you have to realise that we have instincts for a reason. If you are okay leaving your baby crying themselves to sleep - then that is the right thing for you. If it breaks your heart and you want to cradle them to sleep or nurse them to sleep - then do that. Your baby is going to feed off of you - and if you are stressed and upset - they are going to be stressed and upset. 150 years ago, when the internet did not exist and Nina Dord (names have been changed to protect the innocent) had not written a bunch of books - babies fell asleep and woke up and ate and survived - and they grew into adults who were able to fall asleep, and wake up and eat.... and only a few became serial killers.
Now, if your child is running a fever or has a rash (or gets an erection (WHAT??!!)) - use the good tools that are out there - like the NHS website, Baby Centre (not the chat bit but the actual information from them), and I loved What to Expect In the First Year (the Movie What to Expect When you are Expecting has NOTHING to do with the books BTW). Read stuff that does not pass judgement and does not try to tell you that every baby is the same. You are doing great. Trust your own judgement and instinct and as the over-used phrase goes... Keep Calm and Carry On. (Note that if you need the books and you want to use them - trust your instinct there as well... also - those people that are using them? Ask them how it is going in 6 months.)
