Judgey Judgey

Pre baby I had a LOT of opinions about how people raised their kids. A lot. Soother?! Never!! Nursery?? Why would you have a child and let someone else raise him/her? Babies with snot of their face? Disgusting. Babies who ate off tables? Raised by wolves. Naked babies in nothing but a nappy? What kind of mother would ever do that? And these were just MY judging thoughts. Other mums have told me they were flabbergasted that mom's covered their babies with muslins when they were sleeping. Another said she would never buy any toys that were not wooden or that made annoying sounds/sang. Many pre-baby moms have strong feelings about moms who do or don't breastfeed and whether it should be done in public.

I laugh. A long hard belly laugh at my pre-baby self... And hang my head in shame for thinking I had any clue. You have none until you've been there - and even once you've been there - you still should not judge because every baby is different and every family has different needs and challenges.

I think the biggest subject mom's and non-mom's judge other Mom's about is the whole bottle v breast issue. Oh. My. Lambs. The HOURS that have been spent discussing it, the books, articles, TV shows (I watched something called "Extreme Breastfeeding" which may have actually contributed to my weaning my son a little earlier than I might have otherwise done...) But judging others on this subject? Needs to stop. There is SO much that goes into that decision. Working mums may have to make certain choices, people on certain medication cannot breastfeed, some (actually a lot in my experience) of women don't have enough milk production... Just remember before you pass judgment/make a comment or pretty much say anything that you need to make sure you know the whole story - and even then? Silence is golden.

I have sat with countless friends who have cried and expressed their feelings of being a total failure for not being able to breastfeed. Several women have talked about nursing through bloodied nipples and chaffing so bad that they were actually crying as they fed their babies. So when you find out someone is not breastfeeding - do not assume you know why (they don't want to ruin their boobs/they did not really try etc) I assure you, you are probably wrong.

But the best part? I keep doing it! Just this weekend we were at a party where there were kids RUNNING WILD and all I could think was "I would never let my son do that... or that... or let him eat that... or that!" Fast forward a year or two - I am sure I will be looking at the horrified expression on a new mom's face at how outrageous my son is behaving and think "just you wait lady... these shoes are just sitting here - waiting for you to walk in!"

As Moms, we make choices every day. Some are good choices - some are not so good. But when you see a Mom making a choice you would not necessarily make - think of the words from Matthew 7:4-5 "How can you say to your sister 'let me take the speck out of your eye' when all the time there is a plank in our own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly to remove the speck from your sisters."

Solidarity ladies... we all make mistakes. I think that is the main thing I have learned being a mom: when I start assuming something - I should just drop the "uming" because I am likely, very simply, being an ass.

The best bit is that once you realise this, you start to look at mothers embarrassingly trying to calm a screaming toddler they are wrestling into a push chair - and instead of tutting, you nod your head knowing that right now that might not be you - but someday? Someday SOON - It will be!